Outside

I'm out of the hospital.

Great, right? I only had to stay 24 out of the required 30 days and when I went to my first outpatient blood draw on Monday my counts were continuing to improve. The best thing is I'm finally off steroids. Steroids suck. All I could think about was food. To some degree that's normal but when you're making lists of things you want to eat and before you fall asleep every night you're really excited about breakfast you know there is some kind of problem. For a while all I was eating was chicken nuggets, mash potatoes, and corn, which let me tell you is crazy delicious, but my sister definitely gave me crap for my childlike palate. 

I digress. 

I wish I was more prepared for the days in between when I was released from the hospital until my next treatment. I'm not going to sugarcoat this, these last few days have quite possibly been the most difficult since I've been diagnosed. Being able to be out of the hospital is such a blessing but it comes at a cost. While in the hospital there is constant action. Blood draws multiple times a day, vital check every four hours, nurses and other medical professionals coming in and out of your room and now there's nothing. 

This peace and quiet that is supposed to be relaxing and healing is actually nerve wrecking and has caused so much anxiety. Most of it has to do with the fact that we don't know where we're going from here. Today I have another bone marrow biopsy to help us figure it out. From here we will know which course of treatment will be best and how much of the cancer was initially killed. They want to see at least 90% of it gone to call my first treatment successful. Talk about pressure...

But I have to keep in the front of my mind all the positives and know that this always could be so much worse.